Walking aimlessly in a dark room... Are you?

**Update: Harriet kindly commented while I was typing up this blog, so Thanks Harriet! :)**

My last post got hits but NO COMMENTS! Except for Jessie who kindly left me a comment about how pretty my blog looks. :) So thanks Jessie. But honestly, please, message me. Sounds desperate, but I honestly really would like to know your opinions and thoughts about some of these subjects...

Now to the blog..

So far my proudest moment is when I decided my major to be Oceanography. It's something I always kept in the back of my mind and was unsure about, but I'm about 85% positive that this will be my major. 14.9% will be determined when I take GEOL 12F which is a field work class that involves oceanography and collecting samples and studying it. The 0.1% will be determined by the classes, which involve Calculus for three semesters, Chemistry, Biology, and Physics to name a few. All of which I know nothing of and really am not prepared for. So here's my question for this blog:

"How prepared are you for 'the future'? Are you looking forward to it? Do you feel like you've grown up? And how so?"

For me, I don't feel like I've grown up. I feel really insecure to be truthful. Not as insecure as I was when I was in high school but still, pretty insecure. I still feel like the same girl who talks out against what she doesn't believe in, I'm still the girl who stands her ground, I'm still the girl who is weird and kinda freaks people out sometimes. I still feel me, yet at the same time, I don't. Personally, my views on certain topics have changed, although I'm pro-choice, I started questioning if it came to me would I ever do it? And I never have done that before because I honestly would've got an abortion before that. I started to question the career paths that I should go down: Education? Business? Marine Biologist?

I suppose a part of growing up is finding answers to these questions. Obviously, let your mind mature, and create a more "stable" view of how life is and what should be done with it. But when does that stop? When do we stop living and just become an ordinary citizen that leads a mundane life? Is anyone out there afraid that this will happen to them? I am. I am afraid that, although I enjoy it to a certain extent, that I will become a housewife. That my main job will only be to take care of the kids, cook, and god forbid clean the house. I'm looking forward to traveling, and experiencing. Which is one of the reasons why I'm so interested in my field. I mean, what more to explore and experience than the oceans of the world? How amazing is that? I can travel to so many places with the job I do and I intend to do so. Sophomore year I'm planning to travel abroad to Italy and although it screws up my schedule a bit, I'm nothing more but estactic to do so because its an experience. Who knows when this opportunity will come up again?

I've spent the past 4-5 years questioning about my future. If it really is worth the wait, if there will be more to life than what I'm seeing at the moment, etc. It's a bit selfish and I have been selfish, but it's human. Maybe a little too selfish but I used to feel that all I saw was darkness. There was no light and I have been walking aimlessly in this dark place not knowing where I am, and the dark, truth be told, is terrifying because you have no idea what's there. Who knows if you'll trip or if you'll fall into a ditch. Especially if you're doing it alone. But right now, I sort of see a glimmer of light and I'm heading towards that direction. It's a bit gay but I feel that it's true. Now that I've determined my major, I feel a little more secure about myself of where I'm heading in this dark dark room.