**Update: Harriet kindly commented while I was typing up this blog, so Thanks Harriet! :)**
My last post got hits but NO COMMENTS! Except for Jessie who kindly left me a comment about how pretty my blog looks. :) So thanks Jessie. But honestly, please, message me. Sounds desperate, but I honestly really would like to know your opinions and thoughts about some of these subjects...
Now to the blog..
So far my proudest moment is when I decided my major to be Oceanography. It's something I always kept in the back of my mind and was unsure about, but I'm about 85% positive that this will be my major. 14.9% will be determined when I take GEOL 12F which is a field work class that involves oceanography and collecting samples and studying it. The 0.1% will be determined by the classes, which involve Calculus for three semesters, Chemistry, Biology, and Physics to name a few. All of which I know nothing of and really am not prepared for. So here's my question for this blog:
"How prepared are you for 'the future'? Are you looking forward to it? Do you feel like you've grown up? And how so?"
For me, I don't feel like I've grown up. I feel really insecure to be truthful. Not as insecure as I was when I was in high school but still, pretty insecure. I still feel like the same girl who talks out against what she doesn't believe in, I'm still the girl who stands her ground, I'm still the girl who is weird and kinda freaks people out sometimes. I still feel me, yet at the same time, I don't. Personally, my views on certain topics have changed, although I'm pro-choice, I started questioning if it came to me would I ever do it? And I never have done that before because I honestly would've got an abortion before that. I started to question the career paths that I should go down: Education? Business? Marine Biologist?
I suppose a part of growing up is finding answers to these questions. Obviously, let your mind mature, and create a more "stable" view of how life is and what should be done with it. But when does that stop? When do we stop living and just become an ordinary citizen that leads a mundane life? Is anyone out there afraid that this will happen to them? I am. I am afraid that, although I enjoy it to a certain extent, that I will become a housewife. That my main job will only be to take care of the kids, cook, and god forbid clean the house. I'm looking forward to traveling, and experiencing. Which is one of the reasons why I'm so interested in my field. I mean, what more to explore and experience than the oceans of the world? How amazing is that? I can travel to so many places with the job I do and I intend to do so. Sophomore year I'm planning to travel abroad to Italy and although it screws up my schedule a bit, I'm nothing more but estactic to do so because its an experience. Who knows when this opportunity will come up again?
I've spent the past 4-5 years questioning about my future. If it really is worth the wait, if there will be more to life than what I'm seeing at the moment, etc. It's a bit selfish and I have been selfish, but it's human. Maybe a little too selfish but I used to feel that all I saw was darkness. There was no light and I have been walking aimlessly in this dark place not knowing where I am, and the dark, truth be told, is terrifying because you have no idea what's there. Who knows if you'll trip or if you'll fall into a ditch. Especially if you're doing it alone. But right now, I sort of see a glimmer of light and I'm heading towards that direction. It's a bit gay but I feel that it's true. Now that I've determined my major, I feel a little more secure about myself of where I'm heading in this dark dark room.
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7 comments:
i like reading your blog its so.."real?" i don't know how else to put it anyway im scared of it too omg a house wife?? i would rather be chased by a pack of angry wolves through a forrest of broken glass...and keep walking towards the light cause its kind of the only thing we can do
Thanks :) Id rather do the same thing too then become a housewife. unless i get to be with someone as hot as James Denton (the plumber on Desperate Housewives) x)
why you make yourself seems soo bad? i bet theres other people out there that's having a much more sad life than you. are you trying to make people feel sorry for you? are you trying to get some attention from people? please..
Lol. If u left me a name i can answer you personally but i'm a little confused as to how i made myself look bad. this entry was about how proud i was that I found a major and how I'm getting a little farther in my life. and truth be told as teenagers i think we all go through this dark period of trying to identify ourselves to define who we are and what we do. so please, clarify on how i make myself look bad and how i'm trying to get people's pity. Because if you read the first entry, I ask for no sympathy or pity.
And yes. I am perfectly aware that a lot of other people out there who has a worse life than me. Starving children in Africa. People who are homeless and have nowhere to go. People who have cancer and are sick. But then again I never said my life was bad. I don't like my life, but I don't think I ever stated that it was horrible.
And yes. I am trying to get attention. I want people to read my blog. Mainly to get questions and thoughts on the things that I question. To know what other people are thinking.
*sarcasm*So I am truly sorry that I expressed that I found my major and how proud I was that I found it.*end sarcasm*
Next time, if you would, please read my blog carefully. And if you wish to make false accusastions against me and look like a fool, then by all means. Please comment afterwards. =)
Since you have questions... I have a question for you to think about? Doesn't one learn and grown from it's own mistake.. wut i'm trying to say is that we make mistake because we're driven by curiosity... Aren't we all curious? It's that curiosity that drive all of us.. you can say that curiosity is something good and bad... Bad because it's that same curiosity that got us yelled by our parents when we try to reach for that vase that our parents specifically told us not to look into. Good because it's that curiosity that pushes the scientist to explore the unknow. So yes I agree with you... as we grow (meaning we mature throught our wrongs) we find what used to be the unknown for us to be the known... Therefore some of our questions are answered by our experiences. If you think about it... we should be able to realize we grew.. we grew when we find out that fire can burn us, when we find out that one can drown in water, we grew when we find out that there's more to life than having a big house and a expensive car... it's something we don't think about, but that's when we grow... The future can only prepare when one finds the good and the bad for each event in life..
Yea, I see what you're saying and I do agree wiht it. What I'm wondering is what happens when we're actually grown up. Is it possible to achieve this level, since according to you we're constantly growing from our experiences.
And the thing is that, if we do learn from our experiences, how much do we learn, when one makes the same mistakes over and over again. It's like that saying how history repeats itself. Just how much do we know. How much do we learn. What really is in store for us.
This will lead to my next blog cuz what you commented really got me thinking. x) Thanks!! That's a rare thing to happen for me really! haha x)
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