Fine. I apologize for the crap of an entry I posted. It really was a bad one, and my heart wasn't really in it. I just wanted to try to get an entry up every week. The previous entry was more of a proclamation of love for Grey's Anatomy then an actual entry, which should've been posted in my livejournal. So I apologize. haha.
Anyway, this next subject touches a little close to my heart. Personally, I am not a lovey-dovey kind of girl. I don't believe in that wishy washy romance. As much as I enjoy watching it in K-Dramas, the fact of the matter is that it doesn't exist in the real world. Being a teenager, I find it impossible for someone to find someone they love at such a young age. You like them? WOW! Good for you. But love them? Now you're just pushing it. I might believe it, if you.. dated for a long time, and then decided to get together. Or if you were friends for a long time, and decided to give it a go. Then I might even believe that you two crazy lovebirds were meant to be together. But I have seen way too many proclamations of love and way too many breakups to actually believe that teenagers are capable of love. The only thing that most teenagers are capable of is lust. That's the end of it.
In the past, I have had a friend choose a guy over me and other friends. I "understood". It's all I could do. But ever since then, I learned. If I have a friend that does that, that person will no longer be my friend. It's my own personal belief. If you are my friend, more than likely, I will trust you more than no other. I will be there for you as much as I can. Friendships are one of the top things that I think are important in my life, next to family. And if you do anything to violate this trust, such as let a guy get in between us, then fuck this shit. I'm sorry. That's the end of it. I won't hate you. I won't stop talking to you. But I will distance myself emotionally as far away from you as I possibly can. I think I can be a reasonable person. Sometimes. I try to think out. I try to emphasize and think on how the other person feels. And I have way too many times. When it comes to love, I can understand the first couple of months of giddiness, happiness, and just pure bliss. But it's after those couple of months that I notice where all the trouble begins. And if you're able to stick through that, then I can totally see where your proclamation of love comes from. But if you're barely able to stick through it for two months? three months? Then do not joke with me about this bullshit.
Alright, so here's my question for you guys:
"What do you guys think about love?"
I believe that you are able to love more than one person.. but I also thinks it takes time. I believe that you like a person, but in order for like to become love, it just has to take time. I get annoyed finding people proclaiming their love to each other, because seriously? I mean, seriously? You barely known each other for a month and you're going to proclaim your love to each other. No. Don't give me that bullshit. It's that stupid pure bliss feeling talking, and I am not that kind to believe that. Wait till the pure bliss feeling is over. Then I will believe you. Then I will take into account that you guys actually do like each other. The word love is just thrown out there way too much and it pisses me off.
A word that's suppose to be special is being way too abused. Abused by the young immature teenage mind. Abused by men who just wants to get into women's pants. It's just not special anymore and it makes me sad. Ever since freshmen year of high school, I have become a pessmistic about love. The idea of love. Those little proclamations I see in people's profile on AIM, pisses the hell outta me sometimes, because the next day, those dates are gone. Never to be seen again. It's just getting too ridiculous. So people. please. When you say love. Try to mean it. Try to really think about it before you actually say something. Don't let those first few months of happiness fool you into believing that you two are in love. Wait till it gets hard and you guys are there for each other. Just wait before saying something. Because honestly, the ones that don't, in my opinion are just plain stupid. That's the plain and honest truth.
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Thursday, September 14, 2006
If there was a question you can have an answer to, what would it be?
I am a Grey's Anatomy Whore. In fact, this blogger is named after an episode. As of this moment, Grey's Anatomy is my anti-drug. It's the show that makes my life goes round. Every Sunday (soon to be Friday) night, I click on the television looking forward to see what is in store for the life of Meredith Grey and the interns of Seattle Grace. The life values and lessons parallels those of what I learn and question each day. The only differences are that my journal is inconspicuous, Grey's Anatomy has a team of much better writers than myself, and I don't have hot men around me (Patrick Dempsey, Isiah Washington, T.R. Knight, and Justin Chambers).
So with my proclamation of love for the wonderful hit show, imagine how I felt when I came home on Thursday night running to my mailbox to find what I was hoping would be in there. My pre-ordered Grey's Anatomy Season Two wrapped up, waiting for me to tear it open and pop in the Dvd player. Since 9 p.m. Thursday night to this morning, I am 75% done with the season and have relived every moment that Meredith Grey had gone through and the inner turmoil she has with herself of what is right and what she wants.
On one episode she acknowledges the problem of knowing things. As a surgeon, and I'm sure for many other people, we do not like that we don't know certain things. It creates a feeling of anxiety and uncertainty. And when you are going to get an answer for something you don't know, the suspense of waiting for it practically kills you. The questions I have ranges from love to friendships. All of which gives me daily migraines due to my incessant problem of overthinking things when it's not an issue of much importance.
So here is my question for you today:
What is something that you don't know but would love to have an answer to? Just one question.
The majority of questions that will be appearing in this blog or those questions that I would love an answer to and really don't matter to a lot of people, but they wander into my head when I have nothing to do (such as while riding the bus) and it continues to irk me throughout the entire day. It happens frequently, and moreso when I see something that disgusts, disturbs, or annoys me which is practically everyday. I take into account of the thing that bothers me and start questioning in every possible way there is. My analyzations and observations can go on for decades so I thought I should get some perspective by creating this blog. Perhaps, theres a minute possibility that others wonder about the same questions that goes through my head. But sometimes the question of why do I even care comes up. It doesn't necessarily affect me, so why should it bother me so much?
I suppose the answer to that question is because I care. I mean, the environment is something I care deeply about. Seeing the human race suffering (starvation, homeless-ness, natural disasters) make me feel weak and useless. My acknowledgement of these problems make me feel somewhat proactive by at least voicing my opinions out there and although it may not really be heard, as long as people can hear me, I am content with that much. And if there's a chance that I can get someone to actually listen to me, then yay for me. The problem with the majority of the population is that they're uneducated, and I am in no way qualified in educating them, but there's that minute chance that when someone reads this blog they can actually realize what's going on. (Although I doubt it, seeing that the readers I have are people I know and well I'm pretty sure they're all smart lol. minus the idiotic "reader" from my second post.)
So with my proclamation of love for the wonderful hit show, imagine how I felt when I came home on Thursday night running to my mailbox to find what I was hoping would be in there. My pre-ordered Grey's Anatomy Season Two wrapped up, waiting for me to tear it open and pop in the Dvd player. Since 9 p.m. Thursday night to this morning, I am 75% done with the season and have relived every moment that Meredith Grey had gone through and the inner turmoil she has with herself of what is right and what she wants.
On one episode she acknowledges the problem of knowing things. As a surgeon, and I'm sure for many other people, we do not like that we don't know certain things. It creates a feeling of anxiety and uncertainty. And when you are going to get an answer for something you don't know, the suspense of waiting for it practically kills you. The questions I have ranges from love to friendships. All of which gives me daily migraines due to my incessant problem of overthinking things when it's not an issue of much importance.
So here is my question for you today:
What is something that you don't know but would love to have an answer to? Just one question.
The majority of questions that will be appearing in this blog or those questions that I would love an answer to and really don't matter to a lot of people, but they wander into my head when I have nothing to do (such as while riding the bus) and it continues to irk me throughout the entire day. It happens frequently, and moreso when I see something that disgusts, disturbs, or annoys me which is practically everyday. I take into account of the thing that bothers me and start questioning in every possible way there is. My analyzations and observations can go on for decades so I thought I should get some perspective by creating this blog. Perhaps, theres a minute possibility that others wonder about the same questions that goes through my head. But sometimes the question of why do I even care comes up. It doesn't necessarily affect me, so why should it bother me so much?
I suppose the answer to that question is because I care. I mean, the environment is something I care deeply about. Seeing the human race suffering (starvation, homeless-ness, natural disasters) make me feel weak and useless. My acknowledgement of these problems make me feel somewhat proactive by at least voicing my opinions out there and although it may not really be heard, as long as people can hear me, I am content with that much. And if there's a chance that I can get someone to actually listen to me, then yay for me. The problem with the majority of the population is that they're uneducated, and I am in no way qualified in educating them, but there's that minute chance that when someone reads this blog they can actually realize what's going on. (Although I doubt it, seeing that the readers I have are people I know and well I'm pretty sure they're all smart lol. minus the idiotic "reader" from my second post.)
Friday, September 08, 2006
Simplicity can be beauty..
Since I was a kid I've always had a liking towards animals and nature. If you ask my friends, they will tell you that my home is just calling me to return to the wild. But my point is that I gained my appreciation for nature when I moved to California and went on my first camping trip in the 5th grade. I found it exhilirating and the view was unbelievably breath-taking. The only part that made the experience bad was my fear of heights. Looking down a 100ft. cliff is not exactly calming to a 10 year old girl who has never gone on a camping trip before.
Growing up as a city girl, I sometimes regret that all this cement took place of what was so beautiful. I watched A New World starring Colin Farrel which was bascially a Pocahontas movie and it was just so pretty. The trees, the waterfall. Just Nature. Before it was touched and harmed by man. It makes me really guilty and disgraced because as a race we believe that we are superior, yet if we were so superior how smart are we to be destroying something so beautiful and pure, something so simple and something that we need so direly because without it we would die. But I shouldn't be talking since I'm not doing anything to prevent it right? I mean, I like many other people take advantage of the luxuries that are provided, especially here in the United States. I have three computers at home, a television, microwave, a fridge. A roof over my head. I feel torned at this moment because I'm unsure of whether I want to continue living this life of luxury or if I really wanna do something to help save what is left of this country. I don't want to become a hermit, but what exactly can one do to help the enviroment? So that's my question for this entry.
"What thoughts do you have about the enviroment? Should we do anything to help preserve what is left? Or do you not care? And why not? What are your opinions of the luxuries that we Americans enjoy and take advantage of sometimes?"
I've always been aware of the enviroment and always make sure I try not to litter and if I do see a big piece of trash, I pick it up too. I went fishing last weekend and I caught one fish, one trash bag, and some other piece of plastic. It made me kind of sad, not because I didn't catch fish, but just how careless people can be sometimes. I saw a basketball floating by, saw meaning that my cousin's girlfriend saw it and told me due to my inability to see. It was something so small but it can affect us a lot if we look at the big picture. Enviromental Science as a whole also helped me on my views of the environment and what I should do to help preserve what is left.
This entry is really dull since it focuses on the environment, but people fail to see it because it is something so simple. A tree. Some water. Who cares? But this attitude is exactly what is wrong because it is something that should be cared about. Those trees are what helps us breathe. That water is what we drink, what we use for electricity, for our showers. It's something that all comes back to us. It's Karma. Sometimes the simple things are the most beautiful things.
Growing up as a city girl, I sometimes regret that all this cement took place of what was so beautiful. I watched A New World starring Colin Farrel which was bascially a Pocahontas movie and it was just so pretty. The trees, the waterfall. Just Nature. Before it was touched and harmed by man. It makes me really guilty and disgraced because as a race we believe that we are superior, yet if we were so superior how smart are we to be destroying something so beautiful and pure, something so simple and something that we need so direly because without it we would die. But I shouldn't be talking since I'm not doing anything to prevent it right? I mean, I like many other people take advantage of the luxuries that are provided, especially here in the United States. I have three computers at home, a television, microwave, a fridge. A roof over my head. I feel torned at this moment because I'm unsure of whether I want to continue living this life of luxury or if I really wanna do something to help save what is left of this country. I don't want to become a hermit, but what exactly can one do to help the enviroment? So that's my question for this entry.
"What thoughts do you have about the enviroment? Should we do anything to help preserve what is left? Or do you not care? And why not? What are your opinions of the luxuries that we Americans enjoy and take advantage of sometimes?"
I've always been aware of the enviroment and always make sure I try not to litter and if I do see a big piece of trash, I pick it up too. I went fishing last weekend and I caught one fish, one trash bag, and some other piece of plastic. It made me kind of sad, not because I didn't catch fish, but just how careless people can be sometimes. I saw a basketball floating by, saw meaning that my cousin's girlfriend saw it and told me due to my inability to see. It was something so small but it can affect us a lot if we look at the big picture. Enviromental Science as a whole also helped me on my views of the environment and what I should do to help preserve what is left.
This entry is really dull since it focuses on the environment, but people fail to see it because it is something so simple. A tree. Some water. Who cares? But this attitude is exactly what is wrong because it is something that should be cared about. Those trees are what helps us breathe. That water is what we drink, what we use for electricity, for our showers. It's something that all comes back to us. It's Karma. Sometimes the simple things are the most beautiful things.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Walking aimlessly in a dark room... Are you?
**Update: Harriet kindly commented while I was typing up this blog, so Thanks Harriet! :)**
My last post got hits but NO COMMENTS! Except for Jessie who kindly left me a comment about how pretty my blog looks. :) So thanks Jessie. But honestly, please, message me. Sounds desperate, but I honestly really would like to know your opinions and thoughts about some of these subjects...
Now to the blog..
So far my proudest moment is when I decided my major to be Oceanography. It's something I always kept in the back of my mind and was unsure about, but I'm about 85% positive that this will be my major. 14.9% will be determined when I take GEOL 12F which is a field work class that involves oceanography and collecting samples and studying it. The 0.1% will be determined by the classes, which involve Calculus for three semesters, Chemistry, Biology, and Physics to name a few. All of which I know nothing of and really am not prepared for. So here's my question for this blog:
"How prepared are you for 'the future'? Are you looking forward to it? Do you feel like you've grown up? And how so?"
For me, I don't feel like I've grown up. I feel really insecure to be truthful. Not as insecure as I was when I was in high school but still, pretty insecure. I still feel like the same girl who talks out against what she doesn't believe in, I'm still the girl who stands her ground, I'm still the girl who is weird and kinda freaks people out sometimes. I still feel me, yet at the same time, I don't. Personally, my views on certain topics have changed, although I'm pro-choice, I started questioning if it came to me would I ever do it? And I never have done that before because I honestly would've got an abortion before that. I started to question the career paths that I should go down: Education? Business? Marine Biologist?
I suppose a part of growing up is finding answers to these questions. Obviously, let your mind mature, and create a more "stable" view of how life is and what should be done with it. But when does that stop? When do we stop living and just become an ordinary citizen that leads a mundane life? Is anyone out there afraid that this will happen to them? I am. I am afraid that, although I enjoy it to a certain extent, that I will become a housewife. That my main job will only be to take care of the kids, cook, and god forbid clean the house. I'm looking forward to traveling, and experiencing. Which is one of the reasons why I'm so interested in my field. I mean, what more to explore and experience than the oceans of the world? How amazing is that? I can travel to so many places with the job I do and I intend to do so. Sophomore year I'm planning to travel abroad to Italy and although it screws up my schedule a bit, I'm nothing more but estactic to do so because its an experience. Who knows when this opportunity will come up again?
I've spent the past 4-5 years questioning about my future. If it really is worth the wait, if there will be more to life than what I'm seeing at the moment, etc. It's a bit selfish and I have been selfish, but it's human. Maybe a little too selfish but I used to feel that all I saw was darkness. There was no light and I have been walking aimlessly in this dark place not knowing where I am, and the dark, truth be told, is terrifying because you have no idea what's there. Who knows if you'll trip or if you'll fall into a ditch. Especially if you're doing it alone. But right now, I sort of see a glimmer of light and I'm heading towards that direction. It's a bit gay but I feel that it's true. Now that I've determined my major, I feel a little more secure about myself of where I'm heading in this dark dark room.
My last post got hits but NO COMMENTS! Except for Jessie who kindly left me a comment about how pretty my blog looks. :) So thanks Jessie. But honestly, please, message me. Sounds desperate, but I honestly really would like to know your opinions and thoughts about some of these subjects...
Now to the blog..
So far my proudest moment is when I decided my major to be Oceanography. It's something I always kept in the back of my mind and was unsure about, but I'm about 85% positive that this will be my major. 14.9% will be determined when I take GEOL 12F which is a field work class that involves oceanography and collecting samples and studying it. The 0.1% will be determined by the classes, which involve Calculus for three semesters, Chemistry, Biology, and Physics to name a few. All of which I know nothing of and really am not prepared for. So here's my question for this blog:
"How prepared are you for 'the future'? Are you looking forward to it? Do you feel like you've grown up? And how so?"
For me, I don't feel like I've grown up. I feel really insecure to be truthful. Not as insecure as I was when I was in high school but still, pretty insecure. I still feel like the same girl who talks out against what she doesn't believe in, I'm still the girl who stands her ground, I'm still the girl who is weird and kinda freaks people out sometimes. I still feel me, yet at the same time, I don't. Personally, my views on certain topics have changed, although I'm pro-choice, I started questioning if it came to me would I ever do it? And I never have done that before because I honestly would've got an abortion before that. I started to question the career paths that I should go down: Education? Business? Marine Biologist?
I suppose a part of growing up is finding answers to these questions. Obviously, let your mind mature, and create a more "stable" view of how life is and what should be done with it. But when does that stop? When do we stop living and just become an ordinary citizen that leads a mundane life? Is anyone out there afraid that this will happen to them? I am. I am afraid that, although I enjoy it to a certain extent, that I will become a housewife. That my main job will only be to take care of the kids, cook, and god forbid clean the house. I'm looking forward to traveling, and experiencing. Which is one of the reasons why I'm so interested in my field. I mean, what more to explore and experience than the oceans of the world? How amazing is that? I can travel to so many places with the job I do and I intend to do so. Sophomore year I'm planning to travel abroad to Italy and although it screws up my schedule a bit, I'm nothing more but estactic to do so because its an experience. Who knows when this opportunity will come up again?
I've spent the past 4-5 years questioning about my future. If it really is worth the wait, if there will be more to life than what I'm seeing at the moment, etc. It's a bit selfish and I have been selfish, but it's human. Maybe a little too selfish but I used to feel that all I saw was darkness. There was no light and I have been walking aimlessly in this dark place not knowing where I am, and the dark, truth be told, is terrifying because you have no idea what's there. Who knows if you'll trip or if you'll fall into a ditch. Especially if you're doing it alone. But right now, I sort of see a glimmer of light and I'm heading towards that direction. It's a bit gay but I feel that it's true. Now that I've determined my major, I feel a little more secure about myself of where I'm heading in this dark dark room.
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